Learning how to approach your partner when you feel hurt, and use it as an opportunity for relationship growth is a skill that can be learned. Approaching with criticism and defensiveness will almost always guarantee that you will not get what you want. I'm more than sure you will have experineced this on both sides of the equation. It feels shit, right?
Try these steps next time you feel hurt. Step Two is a very interesting thing to consider, that most people simply do not. This is where we remember that our view on reality is exactly that. OUR view. We all have our ways of seeing and experiencing the world which is very much ,subjective not objective.
Learning how to communicate this whilst also acknowledging that we make up stories, we have many (unhelpful) assumptions... this will all make it so much easier for our partner to come forward to meet us, to be open, to listen, and then to take action on an effective repair.
And, Step 4... letting them know what would help. This is important. Don't expect your partner to mindread, to know what would help. Make it easy for them to know how to repair, empower them to give you what is important to you, communicate clearly what you need.
Hope this is helpful for you and your partner!
Hilary
~ with grateful thanks to the Relational Life Institute for the wisdom and images!
Comentários